It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
