Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
