Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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