Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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