Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
