sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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