he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
