I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
