I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
