that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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