Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
