We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
