I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
