ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's blow job season.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
