Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
