God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
