just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
