i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize