Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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