Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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