I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
