If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
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Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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