While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
