My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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