i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize