I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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