I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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