there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do herpes really smell.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
