can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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