Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
