Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
