...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
