i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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