I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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