Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
