I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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