D3 body, D1 cock
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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