And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
