Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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