Can Purell be used as lube?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
