I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The beer is more important than you right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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