Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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