do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
