Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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