I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
