its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
