Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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