I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
