hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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