she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
