allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize