Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
