dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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