did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I deserve this hangover.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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