No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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