why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
