i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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