That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
