You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
