he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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