I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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