I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize