im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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