well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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