Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The feeling are messing with the penis
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
