just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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