the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
