I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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