If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
